Although I will have missed both of testimony times due to RR training, here is what I would've liked to have said:

As would be expected, each SR is very different from the last. The 07SR was no exception. I came in, expecting to cry after every session and feel trapped in my sin. Joyfully enough, this year was a time of calm and deep reflection. I still found glaring errors in my heart, to be sure, but I felt spiritually mature enough to quickly deal with them. I felt nearer to my Savior and more and more willing and eager to give up my fleshly struggles to Him and Him alone. As for "Spurgonial" wisdom, I was very struck by the similarities of his struggle with Modernism and ours with Post Modernism. He was not willing to let false teaching grow as a tare craftily hiding within the wheat. He pointedly saw the sin of many churches and so-called-believers of accepting the teaching of wrong authority and a disbelief in the supernatural. He fought violently against its claims even when others refused to listen. I'm reminded of how he said being called a bigot is nothing compared to allowing heresy to thrive. He never allowed his church to adapt to the times and the world. His church was only based on preaching clear, plain truth from the Word of God. Nothing else matters. Snow Retreat taught me the importance of stepping up for the truth, not just believing it and sitting quietly. As amazing as Charles Spurgeon was, he was only something because of Christ's work in his life. He looked only to Christ. As I shared with my cabin group one night, his dedication for looking was illustrated by a devotion in his book. I apologize if it's a bit long, but it has become the cry of my heart and I wish to share it with you:

Ok, so David didn't quite use that terminology, but it's the basic idea, right? That's what I've been needing to tell myself lately anyway. I still didn't get it! Even after all that I went through contained in my last post... even after playing horribly in a basketball game, getting frustrated at practices, losing my car keys... I STILL DIDN'T GET IT. I was dissatisfied with my cisterns, but I still kept my back to the fountain. But He was so faithful to keep fighting for my affections. Why I don't know, but boy am I grateful. He will not give His glory to another! Gladly, this was all in past tense, so I think I made it over this hill o' pride. And may I stay over it for as long as the Holy Spirit allows! I was dragging down everyone around me too! But I'm sick of it. I don't like trying to live without God... it doesn't exactly work... at all. It makes life miserable. Did I learn that from listening to Solomon, nooooo... of course I had to check it out myself. Well, I'm done with that and ready to fellowship with my King once more!

Oh and I guess I'd better make a mention of our November senior surprise. We walked out of first period in Mr. Whitcomb's Economics class and saw some suspicious activity up on the stage. But, Mr. F and his class were mingling around it, so we just went to English. Then, Mrs. Frisk told us to take out our books then: "No, I'm lying... we're going down to the stage for a wee bit of a parrrty." We found, for our senior delight, three tasty pies and some apple juice and milk. Most of the ladies went for the chocolate cream pie. I did because it looked unique and I typically have pumpkin and apple. It was delicious! Then, at the tables decorated with leaves and cute Thanksgiving sayings, we shared what we were thankful for. Certainly a fun way to spend 2nd period one frosty November!

Speaking of frosty, how 'bout that snow? It was gorgeous! I love watching the flakes come down... so pure and magical. Having relaxing days off school with my family was pretty special too! Thank you, my Creator, for the gift of snow. I guess those heavenly storehouses were temporarily low! ;)

My soul is weary within me and my heart is broken. (perfect time for God to be placed back where He belongs, at the center of my life and affections) It all began with the ACT. I came home from basketball practice yesterday and realized it was the date for the scores to be released early. I decided to get it over with, albeit shuddering at the thought of what the website would reveal. 31. 31! The EXACT same score I got last time. I couldn’t believe it. How could it be so? As lame as it may be to some of you, I wish to be truthful: I cried like I’ve never cried before. I cried out to my God asking why. Why was I such a failure? How could he allow me to do so terribly when I did nothing but pray during the test? I was a person who wasn’t smart enough to get a score I needed? I wasn’t really worried about college. I knew He would have other plans to get me the funds if He wanted me to go to Embry (If you remember, I took the ACT again to try to get the top level scholarship). What I couldn’t accept was that I wasn’t capable of scoring higher on a test. How could I become an engineer when I did 2 pts worse on the science section than last time? True, a lot of the problems were chemistry and I just began taking that, but still… I did 3 pts better on reading and 1 pt better on English, yet the -2 science was enough to keep me at the same level. I was in shock, tears streaming down my face, my breath rapidly escaping. How could I possibly pursue my dreams if I was so worthless and stupid I couldn’t do what I thought I did best, take a test?

Wow. How tragic that I had so much hope riding on my academic capabilities. “Without that, I’m nothing.” But, that’s exactly what He was faithful to remind me. I am nothing without Him. Despite my pleading with my King that this was merely a dream, I had the lines of a song (which I just found out is by Kim Hill) going through my head:


Holy, You are still holy,
Even when the darkness surrounds my life
Sovereign, You are still sovereign
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes
Lord I don't deserve Your kind affection
When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch
I want my life to be a pure reflection of Your love

Holy, You are still holy
Even though I don't understand Your ways
Sovereign You will be sovereign
Even when my circumstances don't change
Lord I don't deserve Your tender patience
When my unbelief has kept me from Your truth
I want my life to be a sweet devotion to You


It was very difficult to feel so conflicted. I knew my God had always been faithful, and would always be. I knew He has a perfect plan for my life. In fact, He had just preserved it so recently (last blog). But, I was more than distressed that His will didn’t include me succeeding in the way that I had prayed for. I thought, “I know you have to break me to teach me to rejoice always and trust, but did it have to be now?!” A little child am I. I still don’t understand… perhaps I never will. I don’t feel like I was trusting my knowledge to carry me. I knew the only way I could improve was if Christ was answering the questions, not me. So why did He say no? Why was I unfaithful to accept His “No, trust Me.”?

I went to one28, hastily wiping my tear-stained face. Perhaps I could turn my despair into praise, the way it should be. I sang from my heart and the songs matched perfectly. The sermon allowed me to become focused on others rather than myself. As soon as we got out, I left to get some rest and recoup from my painful night. Sadly, I found out that there was a mini celebration for Esther afterwards. I feel like crying about that, too, but for some reason His will was that I didn’t have my cellphone on to get Kim’s calls about it and that I didn’t go. At least I was able to give her many little gifts during this week. I love my jerk very much. And it is wonderful that I can celebrate later this week for her 18th, too. Well, I guess I can always ask why as long as I remember to say, “Yes Lord. I am Yours. I will obey.” soon thereafter. I can’t understand. I don’t know why. I am not God. I am a vessel, His to make succeed or cause to fail. My soul is weary within me and my heart is broken– but not for long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a lighter note, it was great fun having a party for Mr. G’s birthday! We put up red and white streamers, brought plenty of food, and blew up balloons. I made a Huskers cake (red velvet, of course), too. I got some of us singing “Happy Birthday” on video. Maybe I’ll get it up on YouTube someday. Great teacher, godly man… good memories! I’m very glad we could celebrate his life.

So, tomorrow, October begins... craziness! :) It has been an eventful time since my last post.

I must first mention the first senior surprise of the year! We were sitting in English class and Mrs. Frisk said we should practice a fire drill. I just assumed it was because of the exchange students, so we all cheerfully walked outside. "We're gonna die! Where's Nick?! Oh no, the fire got him! Quick, turn away from the windows, they're gonna blow!" You know, all those mature, senior-ish comments. We all saw the mini-buses parked against the sidewalk, but just assumed that volleyball had a game or something. Then, Mrs. Frisk suddently turned toward the open mini bus door and said, "Seniors, get in. We're going to Starbucks!" We were all handed $5 and excitedly hopped on the bus. Some had their suspicions due to the mysterious comments of parents and such, but most of us were completely surprised. It was hilarious to see the faces of the baristas at Starbucks and the other customers. 23 noisy 17 and 18-year olds with money and giggles can be quite overwhelming. I had a yummy tall vanilla bean frappuchino with toffee nut flavor and a pumpkin scone. Thanks to Mrs. Frisk and Mrs. Wennersten for driving and thanks to our parents who are making our senior year so special!

A lot of this past week was spent at W-Bar-B Ranch at Warm Beach with the awesome junior highers! I had a yearbook camera 24/7 and took plenty of pictures. It was so much fun to get to be with Mr. Pearce and Miss Esp again. And the games the JH played were hilarious to watch. Go Cabin 9! I attempted to decorate with fun streamers, but the next morning, they had sagged and fallen. How sad! And our cabin was attacked on the last day by a huge spider. The girls were screaming bloody murder and I ran to find who died. Luckily another girl was willing to step in and take care of the problem. After all, I detest spiders, too!

But, the fact was, I came to the retreat, unfortunately unprepared. I couldn't believe how soon it had come up and wasn't really in "retreat mode". I still had a wonderful time getting to know my cabin girls and the other students. It was a very convicting time for us all. I even had a great time talking with Esther as well about something I was struggling with. The retreat theme was "One Another" and we were given many challenges in the sermons to put others first, love, stop gossiping and being selfish, etc... it was a blessing to see the positive responses of some, but was heartbreaking to see the hard hearts of others. Junior high seems like a difficult time to stay focused on doing what's right and not being sucked in by the world. I will be faithful to pray for my girls and the other 7th and 8th graders. I will proudly wear my spirit bracelet (awesome colored smiley face bracelet) and think fondly on my last JH retreat.

I'm excited to get back into playing soccer again. I think my injury is pretty much healed. I play on Tuesday against Arlington Christian. I hope I can do well. It was great to relax on Friday at Quake field and watch us win 2-0 over Master's Touch. Our guys finally got back into their scoring talent!

This next few weeks I have a wonderful opportunity to interview some pretty famous aviation people. The Future of Flight (where I volunteer) asked me if I could help them out. I guess there is a pretty fancy fundraising event happening on the 14th, and they wanted to utilize the opportunity to have a record of these amazing people's lives. Some are famous pilots, test pilots, authors, or have worked for NASA or Boeing. I am very excited, but will have to make many trips to Everett in the next 14 days. It will be unforgettable, though, I am sure. It was the perfect encouragement for me after getting 1 point lower then I was hoping for on the ACT. Even with that, though, I still have hope it will be enough for the top scholarship at Embry. We'll see what God has in store.

Please pray for my piloting skills. I had a really difficult time today. I guess I was tired or something, because I just wasn't doing as well as usual. So many numbers and maneuvers to memorize. I just have to learn to work hard and not give up even if I'm not automatically the best. Being a perfectionist is difficult sometimes. :)